Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
