Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
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