You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
