I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
