Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
