It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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