I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
