I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
