I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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