dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
