Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
