shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Couch. On fire.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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