is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
