Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
