none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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