Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
