the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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