Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
