Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
