This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
