I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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