If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
