we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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