I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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