Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
