dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
