at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
