Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
