it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
whose parrot is this?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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