You can't motorboat a personality
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
