whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
