I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
