i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
