If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Mom said you looked used
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
