Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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