Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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