It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
