Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
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