i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
