Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
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He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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