Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
