at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
