Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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