We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
