I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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