Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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