I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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