the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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