apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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