Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
