She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
