If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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