were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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