Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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