I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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