READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
