Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
