You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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