I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
