i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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