I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
