Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
