I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
