just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
