I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
