I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
