Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
