Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
