Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
