Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you didnt know i had herpes?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
