I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
