Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
