I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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