come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
