who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
