She is in my trunk
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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