You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
